You might say, what is "tracting"? It's passing out Gospel tracts to people. An old friend made that word up years ago, and it fits.
Yesterday I had a decision to make, and it was nerve-wracking to say the least. Someone who is new to my church was looking for someone to go "tracting" with, because she is feeling threatened by those to whom she passes out tracts. She said she is confronted by people who "hit on her" and make her feel unsafe, so she wants someone to go with, thereby giving her and the other person more security, and of course, that's how Jesus sent out His disciples, two by two, not one by one. So she asked me, because she found out that I also pass out tracts.
Unfortunately, I tend to "tract" alone, and that's how I'm used to it. I told her I feel uncomfortable with other people and I'd rather just do it by myself. I don't think she liked my response, because I saw her leave the conversation and appear to make a face at me afterward. Whether she did or not, I'm not sure, but all I know is I barely know this person and I'm not good at being a leader at anything. And if she assumed the role of leader, then I would get self-conscious, hide behind her and let her do all the talking, which is a hurdle I'm just starting to get over myself.
I used to pass out tracts with my late Pastor's wife, and I only did it because I looked up to her. Since we went with the teens every week, I felt compelled to go. But I was very uncomfortable and never said a word. I let everyone else do the work and I just wanted it to be over. I have since matured, but the notion of going with someone still makes me uneasy. I guess it's just my weird loner personality.
Even my late Pastor used to go doorknocking by himself. He enjoyed it and witnessed to people all the way up until his physical constitution would no longer allow it. When alone, people would see him as a friend and a neighbor, and not a pushy Jehovah's Witness-esque nut who just passed out literature that nobody wanted to bother with. That was how the Lord used him, and he bore much fruit in that sense, having started churches in this manner and maintaining them until his homegoing.
I will pray about this issue, because I know God can change any heart to use for His glory. I feel bad having said no to this dear lady, but it's my problem if I don't let someone in. Forgive me, Lord, and please do with me as You will. Thank You Lord. Amen.
